With XLVI approaching quickly, I asked myself “How exactly would a SB party with the four hosts of the Sports with Balls Show shape up exactly?”
Obviously all four of the hosts’ teams; Eagles (Warren), Patriots….cough, cough Cheaters (Mike O), Steelers (Bill) and Packers (Scott B) can’t all play in the game at the same time. Unless of course we invent some cross field, quad-team quasi football league in the future; which sounds pretty cool.
So guess what? None of our teams get to play; plus who wants to be fully invested in a game (Mike O this year) where all three of the other jerks you are watching with are half paying attention, while discussing which Top Ten Lists should be included in the Top Ten List of Scott Boucher’s Top Ten Lists.
Since the Cheaters…cough ahem Pats (whoops I did it in reverse there), Pack, Steelers and Iggles aren’t allowed to participate in the Ultimate Sports with Balls Show Staff Super Terrific Super Bowl Party neither can their rivals, hosts’ hated teams or Rex Ryan in the Super Bowl.
So process all those teams’ rivals along with the other caveats in the SwBS super computer (yes we actually have one) and it spits out……….
……………St. Louis Rams vs. Houston Texans.
Get your level ready because we will be interior decorating Scott’s apartment in no time.
The Halftime Entertainment
As Warren pointed out on the show two weeks ago, Madonna just ain’t gonna cut it during halftime for this group of titans of testosterone. We need some man-ertainment.
So why not a friendly game of Apples to Apples while watching this clip on loop.
Sorry Mike O, you lose on this one, the NBA is making it’s way into the USwBSSSTSBP (that’s the acronym by the way). That dunk was just filthy.
House Rules for Apples to Apples:
Bill – Must relate each Apples to Apples card by to the fact that Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee have zero championships.
Mike O – Every play must tie in how Penguins fans are all band wagoners and Sidney Crosby along with the Pens get all the calls.
Warren – Must relate every card to some NBA team (other than the 76ers). Got you again Mike O.
Scott – Each card must be related to wrestling and must include the word “yup.”
Set up a webcam and that sounds like a hell of a halftime show.
No “real” friends invited when the fearsome foursome of hosts get together but you still have to invite a few guests. You’d think we could all function as a group, but like anything else in life you inevitably have those lulls in conversation. That’s when “the Jorge” comes in, or as I like to call him — “The Human Disney Princess Encyclopedia.”
Just when you think it might get awkward because Warren said, “Man Andre Johnson does have a tight little butt”, “The Jorge” steps in and starts up the “Hottest Disney Princess Debate.”
If all else fails bring in Golden Tee Steve for entertainment so he can lighten the mood when the Disney Princess debate gets stale (it won’t).
Now that the guest list is complete onto the crux of any Ultimate Super Terrific Super Bowl party…….the food.
I bet the Romans tailgated before games at the Colosseum with a big ole bucket of grapes. But since there is quite a schism in the SwBS community on the color of the grape, this may not be the most diplomatic of party foods. Still we at SwBS are gonna do it Roman style.
Here’s the solution:
Believe it or not supermarkets now-a-days allow you to purchase both red and green grapes. Amazing!
By the way Cheez Wiz on the grapes is optional.
If grapes are the appetizer what is the meal— Pizza, Wings, Cheese steaks, Hoagies….nah that is too much.
Just baskets of glorious golden fries….bottomless baskets.
We have to repair our relationship with Mike O after subjecting him to an NBA highlight on loop for a full 25 minutes at halftime, fries are our olive branch.
Cheez Wiz again is optional.
Can’t forget the Beverages.
Warren doesn’t drink (he is a stronger man me) so he can bring his own bathtub full of Mountain Dew and chemically sterilize himself.
As for the beer drinkers you gotta go with the Boucher classic…..Miller Lite, because that guarantees a chick fight breaking out…..right?
You would think this would be easy right? Your favorite team’s jersey seems simple enough. Cmon we are more clever than that at the SwBS. Personalized t-shirts:
Warren’s would read, “We won the Lombardi in August, these two teams are just playing for second place.”
Mike O’s is easy:
Bill would have a shirt saying, “My other T-shirt is on the Pens’ Bandwagon”
Scott’s is also easy:
Well there you have it, the Ultimate Sports With Balls Show Staff Super Terrific Super Bowl Party, like any other gathering at the SwBS it will be a good time with a few drinks and a whole lots of stories…………and hopefully a Grape Fight.
Texans 35, Rams 13.
Giants 28, Patriots 20 in the real one.